Tonight I chose to watch the convention on MSNBC. Sue me, I’m a sucker for the classic vaudeville team of Olbermann & Matthews (remember the time they got a job as waiters at the ‘04 RNC, were put in charge of the pie cart, and wackiness ensued!? A gem!).

Anyway, my point: After Governor Warner spoke - a likable speech that probably failed to burn any barns (not even the really old, dry ones that serve as a disposal site for oily rags and loose roman candles) - I watched about 10 minutes of Bill Clinton settling in, Michelle Obama introducing her mom to Joe Biden and Jimmy Carter, and general milling. As I listened to the entire MSNBC team constantly re-ask each other the same questions (”What does Hillary have to do tonight?” “Will it convince the Clinton loyalists?” “Where’s the pie cart?”), I had the vague impression of a friendly-looking portly man hopping around on the stage. He was good enough to stop talking when MSNBC returned to the stage for the “Hillary’s So Cool” video package and subsequent speech (a good one, I thought).

15 minutes later, the chatty MSNBC panel was beginning to dissect the night. The consensus? Not enough “red meat,” overall, an idea they’ve been cultivating for a couple of days and one that seemed to really enrage some of the panel - where’s the Bush-bashing? Where’s the McCain clobbering? The Democrats might be messing this up!

I have to say, they had me persuaded.

Until… later tonight, whilst relaxing, I happened to have CNN on in the background as they replayed the night. I wasn’t really watching. Honest. I have a life!

But my attention was grabbed when they got to the hopping man. Because CNN aired his speech. He was Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer, and he was terrific.

Wow, huh? That’s politics tartare right there, meat fans. Love the speech or not, it’s definitely what some of the commentators were looking for. Four More Months!

The MSNBC crowd never saw it. They were too busy talking about the need for the very thing they were talking over.

What does it prove? Not that MSNBC sucks, no, though they certainly missed something special. I’m just pointing out that perhaps “instant analysis” is… well… useless. And somewhat dangerous. It’s too “instant” to be well-thought-out - really, it’s more entertainment than news or actual analysis. So it’s basically a practice that tries to tell the audience how to think about something before it’s actually been thought about. By anyone.

Back at the desk, pundits running the gamut from Rachel Maddow to Pat Buchanan chattered on about a convention night that they hadn’t actually seen all the way through. Maybe they can catch it on the YouTubes.

Throughout a long writing day, I’ll be here handicapping Obama’s VP options. Sorry for the shorthand, but I’m not going to able to present with my usual polish, particularly not when they’re being threatened by the Russians like that.

Hillary Clinton
Sure, why not? She can deliver all those Democrats who love her so much they now say they’re going to vote for McCain. Then again, anyone who thinks petulance is a good reason to load up the Supreme Court with McCain’s picks and get into another couple dozen wars… well, I’m not sure they’ll even believe that it’s really Hillary up there next to Obama and not some clever cyborg sent to cloud their minds. And let’s be realistic - they’re not going to ruin everything by voting for McCain. They’re going to do the traditional liberal thing and ruin everything by voting for Nader.

Joe Biden
The smart money seems to be flowing towards Biden in recent days, and he does seem to have had a radical shoe-ectomy performed on his mouth. He’d be a terrific attack dog, because he’s got the ability to be clear, forceful, and funny. Also, he’s articulate and clean. It’s like a storybook, man!

And…. that’s all folks  (I said it was a long writing day).  If Obama continues to tease, perhaps there will be more tomorrow.  Or you can take matters into your own hands below.

You didn’t see this one coming. Emily Ecton, famed producer at “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me,” has just had her first book published. The Wait Wait cast and crew seem to be filling up the bookshelves of late.  At this point Mike Danforth must be feverishly working on his long-postponed detective potboiler, “The Maid’s Mustache.” [How’s that comin’, Mike?]

Emily’s book is “Boots and Pieces,” and it’s the first of three novels for young adults. I’ve just started it, and I can tell you it’s a splendid piece of entertainment.

I can’t tell you how uncomfortable posing for that cover was. I had to hold that position for three hours.

Monday, I return to “Real Time with Bill Maher,” and we’ll be going straight through to the election. So we won’t miss a single gaffe, smear, or outbreak of fake outrage. We’ll get it kicked off with an internet editorial later this week, so keep your eyes on the website.

I’ll be celebrating my incipient captivity by doing my last “Wait Wait” of the season this week.

And in other, more important, news, the time has come: Our pal Chris Regan’s book, Mass Historia, is arriving.

Fans of this site or Mass Historia know what Chris is capable of. Now imagine capturing that lightning in a bottle. Well, a paper bottle. And one that’s rectangular and composed of pages. It’s shaped more like a book than a bottle, really. And it’s not literally capturing lightning, because that would be both impossible and a fire hazard. But you get the idea:  Go!  Buy!  Now!

In a matter of hours, the Olympic games will kick off with a stunning, moving, multinational festival that celebrates athleticism, brotherhood, and our Chinese hosts. As an exclusive, I’ve received these shots of yesterday afternoon’s final dress rehearsal for the opening pageant.

Above, you’ll see the preparations for the “March of Nations.” The giant flags and traditional Chinese accents will make this a colorful and spectacular procession. And just look at this:

Yes, that’s Beijing opera - which combines singing with mime, dance, and acrobatics. For the ceremony, as you can clearly see, the accent is clearly on the tumbling! One more:

Those adorable creatures are “Fuwa,” the 5-character mascots of the Beijing Olympics (representing the colors of the 5 Olympic rings). Cute, huh?

I realize that the air quality wasn’t perhaps optimal when these photos were snapped, but hopefully they’ll give you some idea of the spectacle that’s in store. Cue the fanfare!

The dispute began when Obama, responding to a critical ad by McCain, said his rival was trying to scare voters by pointing out he had “a funny name and he doesn’t look like all the presidents on the dollar bills and the five-dollar bills.”

At first glance it was an innocuous reference to a well-known fact: Obama, whose father was Kenyan and mother a white American, would be the first black president in U.S. history and would thus look different from his predecessors…

McCain’s campaign manager Rick Davis said: “Barack Obama has played the race card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. It’s divisive, negative, shameful and wrong.”

John McCain and his campaign have finally had enough! This latest incident of playing the race card was the last straw - the very last! This must not stand.

Here’s the thing - by making an oblique reference to the fact that he is black, Barack Hussein Obama is alleging that the McCain campaign is highlighting the fact that he is a black man running for President. And although there has never been an African American candidate who has ever gotten anywhere near the White House, that doesn’t mean that John McCain would stoop to highlighting issues of race to gain political advantage just because his opponent is black.

Race card! And who can play the “race card?” Well, black people, basically. It’s one of those things that black people do that really, really bugs white people - that whole “claiming racism” thing when the issue has nothing to do with race! That pisses off a certain kind of white voter, and if a black candidate like Barack Hussein Obama was linked to such a tactic, why, that would sure be a black eye for his campaign. A dark moment.

The truth is, John McCain doesn’t care whether Barack Hussein Obama is black or white, he doesn’t yammer on and on and on about racism the way Obama does, playing the race card and fraternizing with loose, uncontrollable white women like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. No, John McCain just wants to ride in like a white knight and beat back the bogeyman of divisive, shadowy politics, the kind of race card-playing jive that Black Osama seems to revel in (typo, sorry, I’ll fix it later…). John McCain knows that the truth is black and white, and he won’t be a slave to politics colored by race.

So sorry, Senator Race Card. John McCain doesn’t care that you’re black, won’t highlight the fact that you’re black, and would applaud the election of the first black President to ever be elected by the mostly white United States of America. You can go on and on and on about how you think white McCain is racist and discriminating against black people like yourself and other angry black people who happen to be black. But John MCain will never stoop to that level, and his conscience is white as snow on the matter. Shame on you, Barack Obama - that’s a real black mark on your reputation.

So, last night was the premiere of “Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil” on Comedy Central.

Given that I wrote for it, why am I mentioning it now?

“Well, Adam, maybe you’re not proud of it,” you might say. Nope, I think it’s swell.

“Um, then, perhaps you didn’t have too much to do with this particular episode,” you counter. No, in fact this episode was one of mine - I wrote quite a bit of it.

“Er, then maybe it’s the topic - you probably felt self-conscious about writing about bloggers as the ‘root of all evil,’ right?” No, actually, that was some of my favorite stuff.

“So… I give up. Why?”

Because, dear hypothetical inquisitor… I am an idiot.

Still, there will be several more chances to see the show this week, if you’re a night owl or possess a DVR or Tivo or time machine. And you can watch a fair amount of the show over at the website in clip format. So all-in-all I could’ve done a worse job of promoting this. I’m just not sure how.

I hope some of you enjoyed my guest-hostification over the past two weeks. I can say without fear of contradiction that Peter Sagal’s job is much harder than that of us panelists, who only have to write a bluff story and prediction, read some news, and then show up and behave badly. Being a grown up is more difficult…

I’ll start updating this blog regularly again later this week, but for now I’m going to spend a little extra time with a good friend who seems happy to see me.

Howdy incredibly sexy FanAp readers! My brother Adam is in Chicago at the moment gearing up to host another WWDTM. So as the saying goes, when the cat’s away, the mice will shamelessly tout their television appearances.

I am going to be on TV many times this weekend on CNN’s Headline News. It’s a delightful comedy show (yes, really!) they’ll be airing again and again because it’s cheap to produce I’m awesome. What you see here is a still from the show. I chose this pic especially because my dear bro Adam got me a whimsical ashtray with this image years ago and I treasure it so.

See how I called it a still? Although I live in Weehawken, NJ it’s clear I’ve gone Hollywood. Or insane.

Anywho, more details about this show I’m on plus a real live clip can be found right here, iffin yer interested. Also, it seems I’m being asked to do another taping in September, which just about gives me time to heal from the forehead reduction surgery I’m contemplating.

Oh, and if you love the clip so much you find yourself throwing your undies at the computer screen, you can become a fan of the show here on Facebook.

So, who do you think McCain and Obama will choose for VP? Hopefully not the same person. That’d be embarrassing.

Honestly, I have no clue who will be their #2. All I know is who they won’t be selecting. Namely, Assud the extremist hate bunny. Yeah, I hear he has a secret mistress or something.

But seriously, I’d love to hear your wild speculations on who you think they’ll choose. Come on, while Adam’s in the Windy City, let’s party in the comments! Woo!

Me, I gotta go pick up the keg and then get on TP’ing his server. TTFN!

Okay, I’m not going to add the visual. OR the link. But by now you’ve probably seen that New Yorker cover of the Obamas celebrating their victory in typical Muslim extremist fashion…..

For once, the giant collective WTF!? that’s circulating around the web today isn’t overstated. And I love The New Yorker, even if that cartoon captioning contest really belongs in Highlights right next to “The Timbertoes,” and even if all the advertisements seem to be pitched to that bemonocled Monopoly guy and his family.

But this kind of takes ivory tower cluelessness to a fresh new level. Vaguely amusing to those who get it and agree that the far right’s portrayal of Obama is ridiculous? Yeah, maybe. Sort of. A little. Though it’s a bit too on the nose to be truly clever - it’s sort of like the starting point for an SNL sketch, a decent premise that would have a chance of being truly funny if someone wrote and developed it in the right direction. [Or the wrong direction. After all, sooner or later someone’s gonna say, “I dunno, maybe a catchphrase? Something like ‘Inshalla-la, baby!’ might work…”] There are other weird and racist ideas about Obama out there, and I’m sure that all of those would make conceptually amusing covers as well. And once put on paper, unadorned with any additional thought or original angle, they’d be horrifying. Like this one. So that’s indictment #1: Insufficient satire.

But what bumps me more is the thinking behind printing this, for which the term “idiocy” would be too generous. Is there a word that covers willful bludgeonheadness, the capacity to know why a decision is bad yet to be able to groupthink your way out of it? That will be MY caption contest: Suggest the word or term below.

The big failure here is the failure to realize that plenty of people are just beginning to pay attention to the election and that Obama fella - and for them this cover will be among their first impressions. And so the arch irony of providing the wingnuts with an image that they themselves were panting for but would be pilloried for producing… doesn’t resonate. It has nothing to resonate against for those people, and so it just hangs there - a thin, piercing, ugly tone. THAT didn’t seem to have occurred to the editors when they said, “Well, anyone who doesn’t realize Obama’s not a Muslim is a dumbass and won’t vote for him anyway! Let’s hit “print” already - that Pinkberry stuff isn’t gonna eat itself.”

And it’s not. But the Democrats, it seems, might.